Monday, 15 January 2018

sourpuss & sunshine (2015)

This is something I wrote back in 2015 ,  really needed to re-read this at this time & I enjoyed it so much I'm re-posting it here . How we respond to each other & treat each other is a topic I'm revisiting . peace blogging again ..........
Experience , a learning , a growth , an evolution of some kind .
teachings , those eye opening moments .
 of gratitude , the sigh of relief
This one happened 2 months back
my youngest , our son who is 14 yrs old & I doing a city trip in for groceries & visits
I enjoy time with this one , our last at home , easy going , he who gives joy child .
 he is my gentle yoga minded son
he loves bike riding , video gaming & classical music
we love our outings together no matter where . be it a drive  along the prairie hwys or a trip to the corner store we enjoy the company of each other
We have fun goofing & loving the little things  
I'm giving you an image of who this beautiful person is to lead in to showing how sour & resentful another person can be
My boy & I were in our big city grocery store where we go to get bulk or discount items . It is a store I don't particularly like , the lighting gives eye strain & headache
yet we can chose to be miserable or make the best of experience
we all , especially as adults have choice
we also are a huge example to those younger than us
how we respond in experience is a teaching to those younger
we are our legacy , we chose our actions & how we shall be remembered
So here we stroll down aisles . we dance we chose to laugh & be silly .
we always dance to the piped in music & giggle at labels on products
as we are smiling , giggling having fun in our dairy section
there she is coming down the isle
the woman , whom I know I hurt somehow with true words yrs ago
yes you know me speaking truth regarding abuse , pedophiles , spouses who cheat , etc.
 I know I hurt her .our response to truth & loving actions often is hurt feeling
we all experience this
do I have sorrow , a sorry & apology are not the same thing
 sorrow as in did I say the wrong thing . no , not in this situation
 sorrow , yes sorrow she chose to stay with a man who abuses women drives drunk etc.
 apology means to explain , well I gave apology yrs ago & to this day I'd give the same one .
should I have just been quite when this is a man I feel could be connected to MMW ?
 did she hurt me , of course she did . did she say mean hurtful things , of course she did .
yes honestly in time does your spirit not forgive , do you not grow lighter , does pain not diminish ?
 do we not perhaps come to have empathy & understanding for the actions of others ?
I've noticed this in several hurtfelt relationships lately , those who ease up , who come to have understanding & let feelings acknowledge , come up , release & float away .
& there will be bitterness in some , lashing out for a very long time .....
 anyway there she was after all these yrs ago
 8 yrs to be exact
I will say I had the opportunity to test my response earlier this summer . to see the type of person I am . to see how will I respond to someone who hurt my feelings .
 someone who in an act of love hurt me . yes loving actions can produce hurt feelings . love can contain hurt & pain !
I had to stop & ask myself deep in my heart & mind " how are you going to respond Rox ?" " are you going to give this person & her children a mean look " ? " pretend not to see them ?" " or possibly have understanding ?" " perhaps , you yourself produced hurt feelings in them ?"
 so when that time came . I rose up . I chose to smile . I chose to talk . I chose to love . because I do , I love them very very much .
so that is mu choice , my legacy
 so back to grocery isle
 here she comes , I feel a bit apprehensive , a bit afraid . no , let that go , how will you respond , I chose to continue with a smile & a giggle with my son
 I chose to be open & to welcome her with light
 her response , sourpuss face ! yes !
that was her response after 8 yrs !
 & what I have not said yet , because it took awhile to fully sink in . her sourpuss face went to my child as well .
 yes , this child of joy
 this child who in reality was her god child at one time . baptismal child
 he of course did not remember her so he paid not attention to just another grumpy sour person within the store .
 So why Buddha ?
Why Buddha & light ?
 because of course as we finished our journey within this store I had this woman in my head
 I felt badly , sadly .
 we reach the line , the checkout & yes of course I wonder will she be in our line .
 then there it is a tap on my shoulder . oh no ! it isn't !
 I turn , & there she is , beautiful giving sunshine face ! my friend Phoebe !
 different face LOL
 loving face . friend face
 & I also know the legacy of someone like my friend Phoebe .
she is loving , empathetic & forgiving
 I was filled with joy & yes relief to see her
 to have my child see her !
 to be connected with her
 she lifted me up .
 & whenever I go back to this experience Buddha comes in my head , with light & contentment of heart
 This experience leads me on , helps my growth , keeps me from being stuck
 to know forgiveness , to keep learning understanding
 I feel sorry as in sorrow for my child's god parent , yet relief those boundaries were put in place for it opened up our family again to form old connections with friends from far away back
Buddha , leads me to Krishna & now today Kali
 I'm going deeper , working hard
this is my legacy


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